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Dealing With Difficult People
“They are everywhere: on the road, at work, in the grocery line, at church and even in our own family. How can we deal with difficult people in a godly way?
When we think of difficult personality types, we can be quick to attach a label: bossy, rude, know-it-all, phony, whiner, judgmental. These and other words are used to describe and categorize difficult people. Perhaps these labels have even been used on us.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists some additional labels that professional health-care providers use: antisocial, obsessive-compulsive, narcissistic and passive-aggressive, to name a few.
Unfortunately, while they may be helpful in terms of treatment, labels can also prevent us from truly understanding individuals.
See the human being beyond the difficult person
People are more than the labels attached to them.
People are more than the labels attached to them. Labels can keep us from truly getting to know a person and finding out how unique and complex he or she really is. No two people are alike, nor are they motivated or shaped by the same things.
Imagine that each person you come in contact with is a puzzle for you to put together. Usually when assembling a jigsaw puzzle you have all the pieces as well as a picture of what you are constructing. But what if you had the picture, but not all the pieces? What if you didn’t even know what pieces were missing or what to look for?
When therapists see new clients, they ask them lots of questions so they have as many pieces of their puzzle as possible. Therapists don’t want to assume anything, and they need to be able to put the difficult parts into a meaningful context. This helps them understand and empathize with the unique individuals these people have become.” Continued at: https://lifehopeandtruth.com/relationships/friendship/dealing-with-difficult-people/
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Three Tips for Parents
(Hopefully, so that the children will not grow up to be “difficult people”!
“How can we work with children to help them learn and grow?
Transcript of YouTube: https://youtu.be/m79tI9p_uY4
[Gary Petty] “How many times have you heard an exasperated parent say, "I just don't know what's going through that child's head?" Well, we shouldn't be surprised. Children can be very foolish. In fact, we have Solomon in the Bible say, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him." Now, there's two important things about this verse we need to look at. First of all, children are chained. They're bound by foolishness. It's just part of their nature, and not all foolishness is bad, but let's face it. I mean, what can seem cute at 2 would be disastrous at age 16. So we have to deal with childish foolishness. And then the second thing he talks about here is the rod of correction. In other words, there has to be discipline involved in teaching children about foolish behavior, and how to avoid foolish behavior.
Now, let's look at three points then that have to do with foolishness in a child. The first thing is just what we read here. Some childish behaviors are serious enough to involve discipline. But understand, discipline has to be age-appropriate in what you do and also, it has to fit the crime, so to speak. Sometimes we can overreact so much. How does a child know when something is really important and not important? Because we're just overreacting to everything because of our frustration. It is important that children don't see discipline only as an expression of parental frustration or anger because then they're gonna think, "Well, being good means not making mommy or daddy angry or frustrated." But we need to help them understand that there are principles of good and principles of bad, and we're there to teach them that.
So it's very important that we don't express too much anger, too much frustration, that we are calm in explaining why we want them to do something or not to do something or why something is foolish or why something is wise. Another thing is to realize that some childish behaviors are due to lack of experience or ability. You know, a smaller child isn't gonna understand what an older child does. I'll give you an example. A number of years ago, they were doing some construction in my neighborhood. And I took three of my grandchildren out just to look at the construction. We were walking around. There was nobody out there that day. And the two older ones began to pick flowers and find very interesting rocks to take back to their mother, and so they had...in fact, there was three of them. There were four kids with me. The three older ones, they find all these great things.
And so we're headed back home. And they all have flowers, they all have pretty rocks, and they're excited, "You know, Mom is gonna be so excited about this." I looked down at the two-year-old. He's got this big grin on his face, and his fist is clenched, and he's got his stuff for mom. And I said, "Oh, you found some stuff for mom," and shook his head yes. I said, "What do you have?" And he opened his hand up, and there was a cigarette butt and some dog poop. Okay. Now, I could get upset. That's a foolish thing.
But he's two years old. He doesn't understand. He thought he was doing something exciting. He had found something that none of the other kids had found. So I told him, "These are very dirty and wipe these hands off," and said, "Don't touch your face till we get home." He did what I said. And we got home, and I went in and scrubbed his hands, washed his hands, and washed my hands, and then explained to him, "There are certain things you shouldn't pick up because they're dirty. They can make you sick." I never saw him do anything like that again. See, sometimes we think of discipline as some kind of punishment. Discipline involves simple teaching. It also involves rewards. In his case, even at two, he figured out, "Those things I shouldn't pick up because they can make me sick." And so he learned from the lesson. So we have to realize that when we deal with children, we have to deal with their age and what they actually have the ability to understand.
And then a third point that I wanna bring out here is that teaching children principals of right and wrong, of foolishness and wisdom, is a parental responsibility. We can't give this as parents or grandparents to the school system or even to the church. Those can be helped sometime. Your church could be a real help in teaching your children. It is not the primary way that they learn.
Here's what we have in the book of Deuteronomy. One of the most important instructions about child-rearing. "And these words which I command you today," God said, "shall be in your heart." What God teaches should be in our hearts as parents. We have to know Him first. We have to know what God wants first. "And you shall teach them to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk, by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up." In other words, teaching children is not just a formal activity. It's a lifestyle. Teaching children right from wrong is a lifestyle. We not only teach it, we have to model that behavior. And believe me, children figure out right away if there's a huge difference between what we say, and what we do, and they resent hypocrisy.
Foolishness is chained up. It's bound in the heart of a child. And it is responsibility of all parents to help them to learn the difference because as they grow older, those decisions they make that are foolish ones can have terrible, terrible results and consequences but making wise decisions can give them a good life.” From: https://www.ucg.org/beyond-today/beyond-today-daily/three-tips-for-parents .
Also, long version: video https://www.ucg.org/beyond-today/beyond-today-television-program/the-biblical-way-for-raising-happy-children
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Can Oatmeal Reverse Heart Disease?
Transcript of Youtube: https://youtu.be/zq0mO36-_9w
“Less than 3% of Americans meet the daily recommended fiber intake, despite research suggesting high-fiber foods such as whole grains can affect the progression of coronary heart disease.
Fiber continues to be singled out as a nutrient of public health concern. There is a fiber gap in America. These are the minimum recommended daily intakes of fiber for men and women at different age groups; this is how much we’re actually getting. We’re getting only about half the minimum, considered a public health concern for all Americans. Well, not all Americans. Less than 3% meet the recommended minimum, meaning less than 3% of all Americans eat enough plant-based foods–the only place fiber is found–though a nominal 0.1 is thrown in for the meat category, in case someone eats a corndog or nibbles on the garnish.
If even half of the adult population ate three more grams a day, like a quarter-cup of beans, or a bowl of oatmeal, we could save billions in medical costs–and that’s just for constipation. The consumption of plant foods, the consumption of fiber-containing foods, reduces risk for diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cancer, and obesity as well.
The first to make this link between fiber intake and killer disease was probably Dr. Hugh Trowell many decades ago. He spent 30 years practicing medicine in Africa, and suspected it was their high consumption of corn, millet, sweet potatoes, greens, and beans that protected them from chronic disease. This got kind of twisted into the so-called fiber hypothesis, but he didn’t think it was the fiber itself, but the high-fiber foods that were so protective. There are hundreds of different things in whole grains besides fiber that can have beneficial effects. For example, yes, the fiber in oatmeal can lower our blood cholesterol levels so less gets stuck in our arteries, but there are anti-inflammatory and antioxidant phytonutrients in oats that can help prevent atherosclerotic buildup and then help maintain arterial function.
Visionaries like Trowell were not entrapped by the reductionist “simple-minded” focus on dietary fiber, and insisted that the whole plant foods should receive the emphasis. Fiber intake was just kind of a marker for plant food intake. Those with the highest fiber intake, and the lowest cholesterol, were those whose who ate exclusively plant-based diets.
Risk factors like cholesterol are one thing, but can these individual foods actually affect the progression of heart disease? We didn’t know, until this study was published. Hundreds of older women were subjected to coronary angiograms, where you can inject dye into the coronary arteries of the heart to see how wide open they are. They got an angiogram at the beginning of the study, and then one a few years later, all while analyzing their diets.
This is what they found. The arteries of women eating less than a serving of whole grains a day significantly narrowed, whereas the arteries of women who ate just a single serving or more also significantly narrowed, but they narrowed less. These were all women with heart disease eating the standard American diet, and so their arteries were progressively clogging shut. Heart disease is the #1 killer of American women, but there was significantly less clogging in the women eating more whole grains, significantly less progression of their atherosclerosis–in fact, almost as much slowing of their disease as they might get taking cholesterol-lowering statin drugs. Statins can also slow the rate at which our arteries close. But do we want to just slow the rate at which we die from heart disease, or not die from heart disease at all?
A whole foods plant-based diet has been shown to reverse the progression of heart disease, opening arteries back up. Whole grains, like the drugs, can help counter the artery-clogging effects of the rest of the diet. Having oatmeal with bacon and eggs is better than just eating bacon and eggs, but why not stop eating an artery-clogging diet altogether?” From: https://nutritionfacts.org/video/can-oatmeal-reverse-heart-disease/
To see any graphs, charts, graphics, images, and quotes to which Dr. Greger may be referring, watch the above video. This is just an approximation of the audio contributed by Katie Schloer.
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