Saturday, June 13, 2020

Three Beliefs That Will Kill Your Marriage. What Makes a Good Home? Update.


Three Beliefs That Will Kill Your Marriage

Three Beliefs That Will Kill Your Marriage“Do you know that there are “deadly” beliefs about marriage that may be affecting you? Discover these “killer” beliefs before they destroy your marriage.

Most newlyweds anticipate the “happily-ever-after” when they say “I do.” They don’t expect their marriage to end up in divorce, but statistically about half of marriages in the United States do.

Though there are a wide variety of reasons that marriages fail, over my years as a counselor I have seen common problems that I call marriage killers. Knowing what these are can actually help you be proactive in fighting them! Whether you are single, currently married, or divorced but hoping to remarry someday, you need to know what these marriage killers are!

Marriage killer #1: Love is only a feeling

Falling in love is an intoxicating experience. As a culture, we love the idea of being in love. We promote it in every aspect of our entertainment industry. Being in love, however, has very little to do with what is required to sustain a relationship.

Most of us have witnessed a rocket launch at one time or another. According to an aerospace engineer I interviewed, NASA’s space shuttle used solid rocket boosters (SRBs) to get into space. Their solid fuel, once ignited, was extremely powerful, which is necessary to get the rocket booster off the ground. But solid fuel burns up quickly.

In the takeoff phase of a relationship the emotion of love is like that solid fuel. It burns hot and strong, and contains a lot of power to get you off the launch pad. But once that initial emotion burns up, it’s gone.

Unfortunately, people make life-changing decisions while under the influence of this solid fuel: they have sex, move in together, get married, get pregnant and become financially entangled. When there’s no more solid fuel to keep their relationship in orbit, they come crashing back to reality. That’s because it takes more than just solid fuel to sustain a lifelong relationship.

That’s where liquid fuel comes in to play. Liquid fuel can be regulated and controlled. Though the solid rocket boosters quickly fall away, the shuttle carried a certain amount of liquid fuel to keep it on course. So, too, must a relationship.

Passion and love play an important role in a successful marriage, but rather than the intensity of solid fuel, this liquid fuel is a slow, steady burn. Couples actively engage in keeping their love tanks filled with liquid fuel by taking time to be with each other apart from the daily routine and stresses of life. They date. They have romantic, intimate time together. They make their relationship a priority, so that they never run out of liquid fuel.

In other words, a marriage doesn’t last based on the emotional feeling of love—it lasts through the consistent work the couple is willing to put into the relationship. A marriage doesn't last based on the emotional feeling of love—it lasts through the consistent work the couple is willing to put into the relationship.

Marriage killer #2: “My needs come first”

Once the shuttle was outside of the earth’s atmosphere, it experienced no friction. That means there was nothing to slow things down.

In most relationships, selfishness causes friction. People rarely love unconditionally. Instead they love as long as the relationship is satisfying their needs. In other words, people enter into a marital union but don’t act unified. They put themselves before the priorities of the relationship. Selfishness on the part of one (or both) mates is one of the major causes of divorce.

Successful marriages require both husband and wife to practice self-sacrifice and selflessness.

These characteristics do not come naturally to human beings. We generally think of ourselves first (Genesis 4:9; 2 Timothy 3:2). To be happily married and stay that way, we must change our thinking from “how will this impact me?” to “how will this impact us?” Remember, you are one capsule traveling the same path, not two (Genesis 2:24). It takes selflessness to unite with another person to form a successful, unified marriage.

Marriage killer #3: Love makes everything easy

After the space shuttle was away from the gravitational pull of the earth, it had to guard against other gravitational forces. Gravity can interfere with the shuttle’s trajectory, causing it to be pulled off course or even to fall out of orbit.

Couples, too, face gravitational pulls. But problems in the relationship are not a sign that it’s doomed or that they no longer love each other. Rather, problems are inevitable. Successful couples understand that there will be highs and lows throughout their marriage.

They must share common values to keep them on the right trajectory—values like commitment, trust, fidelity, integrity, loyalty, patience and perseverance. Those values are what keep couples hanging on when their emotions may be saying “we have nothing in common anymore” or “we’re no longer in love.” In fact, facing those pulls together and overcoming them, often strengthens the attachment couples have.

Are any of these beliefs killing your marriage? It’s never too late to rededicate yourself to building or rebuilding your marriage. The Bible teaches that the marriage covenant between a man and a woman has a great purpose in God’s plan (Ephesians 5:31-32).

The Bible contains many instructions on the purpose of marriage and how to develop the committed, unselfish love that will keep your marriage in orbit forever.

For more insight into building a successful marriage, read “How Great Marriages Work,” which was featured in the July/August 2014 edition of Discern magazine.”  From:


What Makes a Good Home?

“For 6,000 years of human history, homes have been an important part of who we are. But what makes a home … a home? This Bible Study Starter will explore the elements God says belong in a good home.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates

Proverbs 15:6, 16-17

In the house of the righteous there is much treasure, but in the revenue of the wicked is trouble. … Better is a little with the fear of the LORD, than great treasure with trouble. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred.


  1. There are a lot of ways to measure a home—square footage, construction quality, furnishings, resale value, number of occupants, layout, etc. According to the verses above, what qualities does God look for in the homes of His people?
  2. When those qualities are present, how do they impact (directly and indirectly) those living in the home? How do they change the way those living in that home interact with each other or spend their time?
  3. Name three things you can start doing to better cultivate those qualities in your own home. Are there changes you can make to your schedule or routine that would make it easier to do those things?
  4. One of the most important parts of the home isn’t the structure itself, but the people who live in it. If you share your home with others, what can you personally do to make sure it’s a place “where love is” instead of a place “with hatred”?
  5. Romans 13:9-13 reminds us that hospitality is an important function of the home (and of Christianity itself). How do you use your home to show hospitality to others? Are there ways you’d like to improve when it comes to hospitality?
  6. Proverbs 24:3-4 lists wisdom, understanding and knowledge as three essential contributors to an established, well-stocked house. What are the key differences between wisdom, understanding and knowledge—and how do they factor into decisions about what your home should become?
  7. Proverbs 14:11 contrasts “the house of the wicked” with “the tent of the upright.” Even when we know that the kind of life we live is more important than the quantity of things we own, why is it so much easier to focus on gaining physical possessions? When that happens, what can we do to refocus ourselves on the things that truly matter? (See Matthew 6:24-34 for ideas.)
  8. Having a big house and expensive things isn’t a problem. The problem is when we make those things—and the money they require—our primary focus (see 1 Timothy 6:6-10, which reminds us that “godliness with contentment is great gain”). One technique for staying content is counting our blessings. Pick 10 things about your home—tangible or intangible—that you’re thankful for. When did you last thank God for everything on that list?”




My week was mostly allotted to that dratted colonoscopy on Thursday, and going  backwards and forwards to the next big city, College Station. The pre-op on Monday was to test me for Co19, that’s all.  All that way, why could they do that here in Navasota? So I had lunch with my daughter at IHOP while I was there. 

Being already terrified because what had happened to me in 1961, I tried to get them to hospitalize me for the prep, but they wouldn’t do it. The nurse advised me to eat breakfast on Tuesday and just drink liquids for the rest of the day, then start drinking the prep stuff in two sessions on Wednesday morning, not afternoon.  I had already bought the required Dulcolax tablets, Miralax and two 32oz bottles of Gatorade.  So, on Wednesday, I took the tablets at 8.00 am, and started drinking half of that Miralax mixed with one bottle of Gatorade around 10.00 am.  It tasted so disgusting that I nearly saw it again, but I held it down.  I called the doctor’s office and she said that the only other thing that I could mix with the Miralax was water, so I did that.  Gatorade has aspartame in it, that is what I could taste because I am very sensitive to chemicals.  Why they put aspartame in something that is supposed to be healthy, I don’t know, that stuff is so bad for you. It would have been more healthy and tasty if they put unbleached sugar in it, not that I eat sugar either.  I mixed the other half with water and it was fine. What I liked the best was drinking clear beef and chicken broth for the rest of the day.

On Thursday, my medical insurance had arranged for the little Brazos Transit bus to come and take me to the hospital.  We picked up another passenger in Navasota, too, a gent going for his dialysis. They took my temperature as soon as I entered the building, and more forms to fill out, of course, and a plastic ID bracelet.  They took me to the back and made me dress in a paper gown which had punch out places for other equipment.  One place was to insert a nice comfy warm air heater, that felt great.

Then a lady, one of those vampire ladies, came looking for veins in my arms.  I couldn’t even drink water on Thursday, so I was slightly dehydrated so she had trouble finding a vein, but she finally got a needle in me and I didn’t feel it a bit.  I was surprised that I didn’t feel it because she was a student.  After a while the anesthesiologist came in with more questions and forms to sign, but after they had put something in the needle in my arm, I don’t remember anything until I was was back in that room !  A nurse brought me a decent cup of coffee, unusual for a hospital to have decent coffee, and I had brought some stuff like Ensure to drink, to regain my strength after fasting for so long.  My daughter was there to pick me up and brought me home. 

Friday, I didn’t do much except cook some food and freeze some of it. I made two trayfulls of Kale chips in the oven and pigged out on them. Then today, we went to church, real church for the first time for months.  For Bible study they still did the Zoom thing for those who couldn’t come, and the sermon was also broadcast live on FaceBook.  Quite a few showed up, but not like before.   It had been such a long time since we had had a church service that they did communion today.

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