When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!
Paddy and Mick were nailing up the side of a wooden house.
Mick noticed that Paddy was examining the nails and throwing away every second and third.
'What's wrong with the nails?' he asked.
'Sure the heads are at the wrong end.' 'You are stupid you idiot, can't you see they are for the other side of the house!'.
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes
Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.
Examples of Murphy's Law
- Your lost needle will be found by your husband when he is walking around barefoot.
- The worst pupil in any class will be a school governor's son.
- Uniforms only come in two sizes, too large and too small.
- Vital documents that were posted with no errors, will develop errors in the mail.
- The other queue always moves faster.
- In order to get a bank loan, you must first prove that you don't need the money.
- The classic example of Murphy's law: If you drop a piece of toast it always falls buttered side down.
2nd Amendment If you realize that there are three possible ways in which something can go wrong, and cover them all, then a fourth, unprepared for way, will miraculously appear out of thin air.
3rd Amendment When something breaks, the parts damaged are in direct proportion to their value.
4th Amendment The failure does not appear until the machinery has passed its final inspection.
5th Amendment When you drop a part, it always rolls into the darkest corner.
Last Amendment to Murphy's law Any attempt to print out this copy of Murphy's law will crash the computer.
If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that one will be damaged or the wrong colour is directly proportional to the desire or need of the object.
You always need more paint.
You never have enough nails, screws or glue.
The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start the project.
Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water running again.
To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at least two days to complete.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
- If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
- The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
- Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
- The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.