For “Scripture Sun day”, but late again. Time just goes so fast the older you get!
Modesty in Your Daughter.
“Teach your daughter that modesty is not just a matter of clothing, but also an attitude. The kinds of clothes we choose to wear can be a reflection of who we are on the inside.
4 Ways to Instill Modesty in Your Daughter
With warm weather comes the temptation for girls to dress immodestly. How can parents teach and guide their children to make modest clothing choices?
Summer is here, and with the hotter temperatures comes an inevitable decrease in modesty. Go to a public pool or beach, and you will likely see many girls wearing skimpy two-piece bikinis. Outside of the beach, you will see ultrashort shorts, tube or halter tops, and miniskirts.
Of course, modesty is not just an issue during summertime. Many girls wear clothing year-round that’s tight and shows a lot of skin. Often girls’ clothing is emblazoned with catchy little words and phrases like “Hottie,” “Sexy,” “If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” and “I know what guys want” (sometimes emblazoned on the seats of their pants).
Most parents do not want their daughters to dress this way. But it can be a challenge to find appropriate apparel in stores. Several “mom-friends” have told me how they have to weed through endless piles and racks of skimpy tops, dresses and swimsuits and go to countless shopping centers, before finding clothing for their daughters that’s even close to being wholesome.
Then there’s the issue of peer pressure. Even if you can find modest clothing styles for your daughter, she might not want to wear them. One friend relates: “Whatever kind of clothes my daughter’s friends wear, she wants to dress the same way. It may start out with just a couple girls from school wearing a racy little type of outfit, but before long, all the girls want the same style of clothes.”
So what’s a parent to do? The Bible says girls and women should “adorn themselves in modest apparel” (1 Timothy 2:9). The word modest here could also be translated “proper,” “respectable” or “decent.” This is not to say females need to pattern their fashion after Queen Victoria. But clothing worn out in public should not be sexually enticing or draw undue attention.
That’s why it’s so important for parents to teach their children and set boundaries (Deuteronomy 6:7). That’s not always easy to do, especially if your daughter begs, pleads and even insists on wearing clothing you believe is immodest.
Teach your daughter that modesty is not just a matter of clothing, but also an attitude. The kinds of clothes we choose to wear can be a reflection of who we are on the inside.If you find yourself in this situation, consider these four tips:
1. Talk about the importance of modesty.
Provide your daughter an explanation of why you are not allowing her to wear certain types of clothing. Kids want explanations and a framework for why you make the decisions you make. If you don’t teach your daughter why some styles are provocative and explain the problem with dressing this way, she likely won’t internalize the value of modesty.
Explain how wearing revealing clothing can attract the wrong kind of attention—and even dangerous individuals. Teach your daughter that modesty is not just a matter of clothing, but also an attitude. The kinds of clothes we choose to wear can be a reflection of who we are on the inside (Luke 6:45; 1 Peter 3:3-4).
2. Set the right example.
Model the right kinds of dress for your children. Let them see by your example that it’s possible to dress modestly and still be stylish. If you’re going out for a night on the town with your husband, go for the classy, elegant look rather than the suggestive or risqué look. Your kids notice what types of clothing choices you make. Modesty is something that needs to be taught in the home starting with example. Parents must teach this to their daughters first by their “behavior” (Titus 2:3-5). If modesty isn’t important to you, it won’t be to your children.
3. Shop together.
With our busy lifestyles, it can be easy to just give your daughter some money and drop her off at the mall to do her own shopping with her friends. Don’t do this. You need to be with your daughter—at least most of the time—to make sure she makes the right choices when buying clothes. If she’s shopping only with her friends, she’ll be more tempted to buy clothes that aren’t acceptable.
Make time to go shopping with your daughter, and be willing to go to as many different stores as it takes to find decent clothes. If time is lacking, check out different retailers’ websites to preview what they’re selling, so you don’t waste time going to stores that sell clothing that doesn’t meet your standards.
Make sure your daughter knows what styles are and aren’t okay before you go shopping. If she knows the guidelines in advance, your shopping trips will go more smoothly.
Here are some areas you can consider setting standards for: neckline, tightness, length of shorts or skirt, and what kind of wording and images appear on her clothing. As a parent, you have the responsibility to set general and specific guidelines for your daughter’s clothing when she is young so she can learn to make good choices herself as she gets older.
4. Don’t be afraid to say “No.”
Be willing to take a firm stand with your daughter and say “No” when you need to. It may help to at least acknowledge her feelings: “Yes, I know it’s not easy to be different.” “I realize you had your heart set on that dress.” “I understand that all your friends have string bikinis, but I don’t think girls should be seen in public that way.” Your daughter will appreciate that you’re recognizing how she feels, even though she may be disappointed with your decision.
Remember, you have an obligation to teach your children how to discern what is and isn’t in line with God’s way of life. You have the responsibility to set limits for your children.
The truth is, no matter how frustrated your child seems with your standards, deep down she’ll appreciate the fact that you care enough to set rules. And ultimately—though it may not be in the immediate future—she’s going to respect your standards and (hopefully) teach them to her children one day.”
Our flagship magazine, Discern, frequently includes articles with practical tips on working with your children. The July/August 2016 issue has many articles on family. You can read current and past issues and subscribe on our Discern page.
Modesty Is for Boys Too
“Modesty is a subject that often focuses on girls and their clothing. But is there more to it that applies to boys? How can parents address this issue with their sons?
What comes to mind when you hear the word modesty? If you’re like most people, you probably think about a girl’s clothing choices: Is her top too low or too tight? How short is her skirt? Are her pants too tight? Is she showing too much skin? Is she dressing in a way that attracts the wrong kind of attention?
And it’s true—these are all aspects of modesty. If you have children, it’s important to talk about these issues with them. To get parents thinking more about this topic, this past summer we published a blog post titled “4 Ways to Instill Modesty in Your Daughter.”
Girls were the focus of that post, but modesty is not just for females. Modesty is an important virtue for boys too!
Just like girls, boys can also make inappropriate clothing choices. Go to a shopping center or park (on a warm day), and you’ll probably see guys wearing cut-off shirts, muscle tees, stringer tanks and low-slung pants with hiked-up boxer shorts. True, the objective for boys isn’t usually to “look sexy” (as is often the case when girls dress inappropriately), but the purpose of these styles is often still to draw attention—perhaps in an attempt to look cool or show off their biceps or sculpted abs.
Obviously, not all young men are interested in wearing these kind of clothes. That was the case with my sons. They’re adults now, but when they were growing up, one son preferred western wear and the other just wanted to wear football jerseys—neither of which could be considered “indecent” attire. Still, my husband and I often talked about modesty with them because there’s more to modesty than just what type of clothes you wear.
What is modesty?
Modesty can be defined as “conduct, manner, speech or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.” It involves avoiding behavior that is sexually impure, pretentious, vain or boastful; and not drawing undue attention to the self. Clothing choice is only one of many ways we can be immodest.
We should strive to glorify God with our words, actions and appearance—meaning we should strive to live in a way that pleases and reflects Him.The Bible identifies the core issue of modesty: “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). We should strive to glorify God with our words, actions and appearance—meaning we should strive to live in a way that pleases and reflects Him. Practicing modesty is one way to do this.
When my sons were growing up, five key aspects of modesty came up over and over again in our conversations on this issue. Here they are, and I hope you’ll find them to be good conversation-starters with your own children:
1. Modesty applies to words, attitudes and actions as much as clothing choices.
Kids need to know that even if they are wearing “modest clothing,” they can still be “immodest” by behaving in a shameful, arrogant, brash or indecent way. This obviously includes any kind of sexually promiscuous behavior, as well as things like crude speech and profanity, telling or listening to off-color jokes, bragging, gossiping, being physically aggressive and showing disrespect to teachers.
2. Both modesty and immodesty start in the mind.
To be truly modest, the place to start is in your thoughts. Proverbs 23:7 tells us, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” If your child is striving to be pure in character, it’s much more likely he will dress, groom himself and behave appropriately. On the other hand, immodesty can get a foothold when pleasing the “self” becomes what’s most important—instead of obeying God. Humility is a major character trait found in the Bible, so help your kids develop it from a young age.
3. Godly character should be your focus, not a worldly definition of physical attraction.
Society bombards young men with the message that looking “hot,” “sexy” and “buff” is where it’s at. Boys need to be reminded that God is far more concerned with their character (1 Samuel 16:7) than their abs or biceps—which are temporary. Building godly character should be the priority, because that’s what lasts.
4. While who you are on the inside is the most important, how you dress and groom yourself still matters.
Just as what comes out of the mouth is from the heart (Matthew 15:18), our outward appearance reflects our inward character. If you allow your son to wear T-shirts with explicit or provocative messages, have an outrageous or flamboyant hairstyle, or dress very sloppily for school or church services, he’s going to send the wrong message to everyone who sees him. Instead, choose a look that promotes purity and godly values.
5. The way to determine if your attire is acceptable is to ask yourself whether it reflects God’s standards.
Clothing fads like skimpy swim trunks and hiked-up boxer shorts may not be specifically forbidden in the Bible, but right and wrong motives certainly are. Kids need to know that trying to allure the opposite sex or draw attention by wearing certain kinds of clothes is not proper. They should ask themselves: “What am I trying to accomplish with what I am wearing?” If the motivation is a matter of seeking the wrong kind of attention, it’s probably not an appropriate clothing choice.
Make it a point to discuss these issues with your kids. Even if you only have sons and no daughters, and even if they’re not drawn to outrageous clothing styles, modesty is still a vital topic to address. It’s up to you, as the parent, to help your kids understand what modesty really means and why it’s so important.”
It took three representatives from the internet/cable company, but finally the Internet, Phone and TV are all working. One man had to run a new wire from the box outside by the pole to way down the street to another place to get it working, so it wasn’t all my old wiring’s fault. This put me behind several days with all the outages and waiting for different workers to come from the Internet company. I haven’t been able to list stuff for sale as much as I would usually.
We have been working mainly on getting a certain unusual ceiling fan/light repaired for the guest house (mini-house). The broken circular florescent light bulb that was in it, is no longer available, so we had to use a different light kit for it. It had to be something different and special, and fortunately I had one, but it took a while to get it attached to the fan and wired up right. We have only just finished that part, and hanging it will come next. We only work three hours a day, so everything takes time.
Finally, I bought a mower, it looks like it came out of a dumpster, but it cuts grass and what more can I ask of it? So at least the yard it more presentable.
Having been given some beef oxtails, I made an oxtail stew for the church pot luck. The “Uber-Hearty Oxtail Soup Recipe for Slow Cooker” recipe called for onions, ginger, carrots, potatoes, apples, yams, kidney beans and lots of spices. It turned out very well, but I hadn’t realized how greasy oxtails were, so I spent a long time getting all the fat off the meat when I deboned it. By the time I had done all that, there wasn’t much meat, but it was tender and tasty. Then I strained off the liquid and let it sit in the fridge overnight so that I could scoop all the fat off the top before putting it back in with the oxtails and veggies. It was good, but I don’t think I will make it again soon. I also took some more of the multigrain sweet rolls that I had in the freezer. They always go over big.
We had a more Bible readings this week: Col. 1:15-20, Lev. 26:3-27:34, Jer. 16:19-17:14, John 14:5-21, and 15:10-15. I don’t know why, but it was colder in the chapel that it has ever been, my head and sinuses stopped up, my eyes were running, and I just couldn’t stay there. So I missed the Teaching. The pastor’s wife likes it that cold, but I sure don’t. Her knee is much better now and I think that she can manage to take care of the kitchen without me. Laura, one of the elder’s wives can help her.
So I am making plans to go to a different church, the Church of God on FM 830, next Saturday. Their service is a bit later in the day, and a much larger congregation. Jay and I used to go there every week, but he didn’t like afternoon church because he said it interfered with his day (drinking) and didn’t want to go, so that is why I found a morning church service. I have visited from time to time, and it is like seeing old friends. Every Sabbath they have Bible study before the service and once a month they have Bible Trivia which is like Password. They also have a pot luck and fellowship after the service.
On Sunday, Hans invited me to go to Bible Study at his church just down the street. When I got there I found out that they were studying out of Les Feldick’s books. Now I study with Les Feldick on TV every weekday morning at 6.30, so had already studied that part, but it was interesting all over again. I stayed for the church service, and then Hans took me out to lunch at a new place in our little town. It was like a waffle house but called Huddle House. Nearly all the dishes contained ham, bacon, or pork, so I had a Garden Omelet with hash browns. Then Hans had me show him how to get the details about Israeli tours on his computer. He hardly ever uses his computer and doesn’t really know how to use it. It was a pleasant day.