For “Scripture Sunday”:
How to Be a Good Husband
Husbands and future husbands have a wonderful blessing—and a great responsibility. How can we do a better job in this essential biblical role?
“Disclaimer time: By writing this article, I’m not claiming to be a great husband. As my wife and I near our 30th anniversary, I marvel at her patience and support and endurance through my mistakes and quirks and sins. I also know that I need to continue to improve. Hence this Bible study.
As far as the hokey acrostic spelling out HUSBAND, well, the Bible used acrostics as memory aids, and maybe this one will help me remember these seven points.
So, what does the Bible say about husbands and becoming a good one?
Honor her“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7, emphasis added throughout).
Showing honor is important in all relationships (1 Peter 2:17) and should be learned in the home as we honor our father and mother (Exodus 20:12). Honor is especially important—and difficult—in the marriage relationship. It’s easier to show honor to someone you rarely see. But when we see our mates at their worst state and when our little quirks and differences begin to grate on each other over time, it is more difficult to always show honor and respect.
God made us men crave and need honor. So by the principle of the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12), we should also give honor.
The same goes for help. God made women to help men (Genesis 2:18), and He would expect us to help our wives as well. Helping our wives is another way of showing them honor.
Understand herMen often joke that this can seem like an impossible task. Physics genius Stephen Hawking has pondered the secrets of the universe, but says that women “are a complete mystery.”
But the apostle Peter instructs husbands to “dwell with them with understanding” (1 Peter 3:7).
The NKJV Study Bible explains it this way: “A Christian husband should be intimately aware of his wife’s needs, her strengths and weaknesses, and her goals and desires. He should know as much about her as possible in order to respond in the best way to her.”
SexGod created sex to strengthen the marriage bond. It is part of making two people into “one flesh,” and it is intended to be a pure, honorable relationship with no shame (Genesis 2:24-25; Hebrews 13:4). But Satan and his society have done their worst to pervert and tarnish sex and marriage.
We must build a strong, unbreakable bond with our wives. This doesn’t mean we should be inflexible. In fact, this strong bond requires the utmost flexibility and gentleness.Our wives must know that we will do nothing to hurt them or cause them shame. Sex is not about self-fulfillment, but about tenderly and patiently caring for your mate.
BondI’m not talking about 007, but about a gluelike bond. When the Pharisees asked Jesus about divorce, He asked if they hadn’t read, “‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:5-6).
“Leave means ‘to abandon’; joined to means ‘to be glued to’” (NKJV Study Bible). We must build a strong, unbreakable bond with our wives. This doesn’t mean we should be inflexible. In fact, this strong bond requires the utmost flexibility and gentleness.
Always be faithfulMarriage is a commitment and a covenant with our wife and with God. We must always be faithful in every way, even in our minds (Matthew 5:28).
Never fail to loveWe must not give in to the marriage killers that suck love out of marriage: envy, pride, rudeness, self-seeking, being easily angered, thinking evil or being entertained by sin (including pornography).
It’s interesting that in his description of what love is, Paul listed all these things it is not (1 Corinthians 13:4-6). This passage is worthy of deep study and meditation by every Christian husband.
Delight in her alwaysExpress your devotion, admiration and desire; rekindle the romance (Song of Solomon 7:6; Proverbs 5:19). Life isn’t all about fun and entertainment, of course, but God encourages rejoicing and giving joy to others. A husband should bring happiness to his wife (Deuteronomy 24:5).
We must endure the trials of life, but we should also enjoy! Celebrate the blessing of marriage often!”
For more about marriage and being a husband, see:
Godly Sorrow Produces Repentance
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
In this passage the apostle Paul explains the difference between the normal human sorrow that people feel when they get caught doing something wrong, and the godly sorrow that truly makes a change in our lives that pleases God. Worldly sorrow might be fleeting regret or a desperate wish that we hadn’t been caught. But it doesn’t lead to real repentance or change, so the person continues on without being forgiven and still being guilty of sin and worthy of the death penalty.
Godly sorrow is real and commits to change. Paul illustrates this powerful, godly sorrow in the example of the Corinthian brethren in verse 11: “For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.”
This is no fleeting regret, but a full-fledged, all-out commitment to change—to stop doing those things that God hates—and to seek God’s forgiveness. We must replace the thinking that leads to sin with the thinking that leads to righteousness.
Read more about repentance in “What Is Repentance?” and “Godly Sorrow.””
I am still busy trying to sell the stuff out of here, so that I can put this house up for sale. I spend as much time as I can taking pictures to list items on eBay, Craigslist and Bookoo.
A folding Nylabone carrier sold on Bookoo.com I took it to UPS where they packed it and guaranteed it’s safe delivery to a rescue in Memphis who wanted that particular type of carrier for transporting cats from TN to Maine. Maine has a shortage of cats because of their very strict neutering laws, so that gives homeless TN cats a chance at ‘furever’ homes. It is a wonderful thing that these transporters do. When I called the rescue lady when I left UPS to tell her the carrier was on it’s way, she was taking some cats to Virginia. This is just a tip of it at: http://thelexusproject.org/content/pilots-and-paws These pilots take critters to a new area where they will be loved and not destroyed.
Maybe I will sell the guest house next door, or maybe I will move into it when it gets closer to being livable. But the more I think about it, at over 80 years old I don’t need all this stuff, and it all needs to be gone so that I can to live in a really small dwelling that doesn’t have a lot of yard maintenance and upkeep.
A little bit more work has been done to the guest house. Jay did work a bit and we screwed down some of the floor in there, but not totally. There still needs to be inspection places. We have used a lot of cement mix making a block wall, but when we had a deluge, some rain still ran under the house. Then Jay was busy or sick, but another helper showed up unexpectedly one morning. We took out another of the single pane 3’x5’ windows, and filled the hole with plywood. We aren’t going to put the vinyl siding back until all the windows are out and the new ones installed. That leaves two more 3’x5’ windows to remove which needs to be done this week as a man is supposed to buy them on Friday. I have two smaller double paned ones to go in there. That wall was all windows when it was a plant room, and not very energy efficient.
Jay didn’t go with me to church, and the Bible readings were Exo. 30:11-34:35, 1 Kings 18:1-39 and 1 Cor. 10:1-13. The Teaching was more about Prophecy. There are so many places in the Old Testament that foretold His coming that one has to realize that the Bible is one book and it all ties together. There is no leaving out the Old Testament.
The pastor’s wife was back, and we were all happy to see her. The service was shortened as we all traveled south to the YMCA as there was going to be a baptism in their heated pool. Laura and I were baptized. That's our sweet Pastor Bobbie in the cap.
As I nearly drowned when I was 12, I am terrified, absolutely petrified, of water going over my head, so that took away some of the good feelings I should have had about the baptism.
The big surprise was that my wonderful daughter Wendy showed up for the baptism. Here we are together singing hymns before the immersing, I am already in a swimsuit, robe and swim cap. Then the church members all came back for our potluck lunch. I had taken a squash and zucchini cheese casserole.
It was a memorable day.